This week was a good week. Not too busy and peaceful. Hubby and I decided to forgo a “fun” date and get a landscaping project done.
I went into the evening feeling pretty confident. After all, I had managed to pull off 2 huge “wins” this week in my effort to “love well.” I had practiced the pause! And had great success with it. Both times I had wanted to open my mouth and react to something but I waited and it served me well because in the end things worked out as they should have (well in my mind anyway).
I keep working on those skills. And I am definitely making some progress in my life (picture me patting myself on the back here). Recovery is hard work but this week I had managed to check all my boxes and felt pretty confident in the interactions I had.
Pride goeth before the fall.
We always hurt the ones we love.
Never EVER do house projects with your spous.
It started with how he was cleaning the rocks. “Really hun, do you have to put them there? We are just going to move them anyway.” Then it was “can you not wash them in that area.” Then “stop with the hose I’m getting splashed on.” The more we worked the nastier my comments got. Thankfully about half way through I had to take care of something in the house or we may have been divorced by the end of the evening.
He had to leave to take care of some work for a bit and in his absence I got to thinking about how I had treated him. I can love the homeless person down at the mission, I can love on the addicted person as I bring them to detox and I can put full-on effort in loving my adult children because for whatever reason my identity is still far too wrapped up in what they think of me.
But my husband? Well....he gets the leftovers. Last night he got the leftovers.
And he deserves the full meal with dessert and a cherry on top.
When he got home I sat with him as he talked about his time away, I looked him in the eyes and I held his hand, purposing to let him know through my non-verbal cues how much he means to me, how grateful I am to have him by my side on this journey and how much I love him.
And this morning, I will apologize and do better today.