The Power of a Moment

Yesterday was a big family day for us.  Our oldest daughter had a birthday party for 5 of her 7 children (yes, you read that correctly).  It had been planned for months and the entire family was invited and had indicated that they would be there.

The party started at 11:30 and our precious youngest boy was a no show.  

12:00 still not there

12:30 hadn’t shown up and not answering the text I sent him reminding him of the party and that his pappa was in town as well.

1:00 nearing the end of the party I finally get a text from him apologizing for not being there because he overslept and that he was on his way.

Now, at that point I had two choices when he walked in the door late to the party.

I could examine his eyes.  I could listen closely to his words to see how clearly he was speaking.  I could watch his behavior closely (and suspiciously I might add).  And I could hit him with a verbal onslaught of questions about why he was late, why he was so tired, etc. etc.  I could live in the past, thinking “Oh crap, this is what his past behaviors were like.  He always does this.  I’m tired of him not taking his commitments seriously.”  Or I could let my thinking spiral to  the future “Oh crap, here we go again.  He’s going to lose everything if this goes bad” (as I start planning his funeral). Yes, I COULD have done all of those things.

OR I could choose to be mindful in that moment.  I could chosoe gratitude because my son got up and made the effort to come see his nieces, nephews and grandparents.  When he walked in I could smile and say “hey son, glad to see you!” Because I was.  And I could simply accept what was in the here and now, enjoying the laughter in the room, appreciating the funny interactions between the family and marvel at life in the room.

I chose the later.  Love told me to choose the later.  And love never fails.

And it was a beautiful afternoon.

Had I chose the first option, I can assure you that the moments of joy would not have happened.  Things would have been tense.  Negative attitudes would have ruled the day.  And the memories that I would carry with me would have haunted me, rather than bringing me peace.

The power of living in the moment.  Life, love and laughter.

Copyright @ 2018 Our Marvelous Mess

A Moment of Clarity

I stood by the sink, nostrils flaring, steam coming out of my ears. 

The pleas to clean up after themselves had gone on deaf ears once again.

Telling and begging were not working. 

And I was frustrated.

As I stood there looking at those pile of dishes the words that I had told so many families I’ve coached, came back to whisper in my ear.  “You are frustrated because the boundaries you are trying to set are not being honored.”  

Hmmm...why are the boundaries I have set not being honored?  Because the results had been, up until now, for ME to end up cleaning up.  There had been no consequences to those boundaries.  

And THAT was on me.  The truth was...I was frustrated because I had failed to follow through on all of the requests and threats that I was continually verbally assaulting my family with.

In a moment of clarity, I walked into the living room, took the television remote control in my hands.  I shut off the t.v. and stood in front of it.  I very calmly explained to my lovely family that I would be holding on to the remote and holding my position in front of the t.v. until the dishwasher got loaded and the kitchen sink was cleaned up.

5 minutes later the job was done and the t.v. was back on.

It was a small moment in time but a HUGE victory for me, in that moment to recognize my failure and course correct.   And with that course correction all of the anger and frustration went away and we were able to move on with our day in peace.

Copyright @ 2018 Our Marvelous Mess

Get up, show up and try again.

This morning I am painfully aware of my limitations.  Put me in front of a crowd of a 1000 people and I will be totally comfortable.  Put me in front of a computer screen dealing with URL's and RSS's and blog posts and it stirs up all kinds of anxiety in me.  

Thank God he created us all very different.  I am working this morning on trying to get this blog post out and hoping that it works.  

Life is a series of trials and errors.  Sometimes things work and sometimes they don.  And when they don't we have 2 choices.  We can cut bait or we can try again.  I have lived my whole life in the try again place.  

Not giving up means we have been married 37 years.

Not giving up means we 4 children instead of 1

Not giving up means our son is currently sober

Not giving up means I have friendships that have lasted 30 years or more

Get up, show up and don't give up today.  

And if for some reason, this doesn't work this morning....

I will wake up and try again tomorrow.

A Moment in Time

Tonight was one of the more emotional nights I’ve had in a long time.

Dustin came to Breakthrough.  After the service he came up for prayer and indicated that he had to go to detox tonight or he would have a warrant put out on him.  He was such a sweet kid.  28 but had spent years as an alcoholic.  All he really wanted was to be reunited with his son and he seemed so sincere and ready.  After I prayed with him I tried to give him directions to the detox.  “Go to Marquette, get on the green line, get off at the capital stop and walk almost a mile.”  Oh my gosh...what the heck??  Get in my car and I’ll take you to detox.  So that’s what we did.  I grabbed one of the guys and we got Dustin in the car. 

All the way over he talked about his life.  He’d lost his entire family in the last 6 months.  Mother, sister, brother.  All he had left was his son.  Questioning God.  Questioning whether life was even worth living any more. 

And all I could do was tell him that God sees him.  That he was created for a purpose.  That his name Dustin Thunder had significance.  That he was a warrior and that he had to fight for this.  He’s already shaking and sweating because it’s been awhile since he had his last drink.

So we get to the detox and I help him get up to the place he needs to go to check in.  We have one final chance to sit and talk about spiritual things before the tech comes out to bring him back.  And once again I have that last chance to tell him how much God loves him.

He looked back at me and said, “I will never forget this night.” And then he was gone.  And I broke down and sobbed. 

I will most likely never see Dustin again in this life.  And I am certain it was no accident that he walked in to Breakthrough this evening.

I pray that it was enough.  I pray I said the things God wanted me to say.  I pray Dustin finds forever sobriety and is reunited with his child.  I pray that Dustin will finally be set free.